version was better find out? (I blush.) But an occasional display of grandiloquence, or of in-group language, is hardly a crime, and it pagkaing kalye thesis certainly isn't evidence for the decline of language. Nevertheless, a very good, thoughtful and original argument. Also, good use of evidence to highlight the unusual epidemiology. Scholarship committees are not only looking for good students, they are often looking for a person that fits their organizational goals. Instead of being given a prompt, you might be asked to write an essay on the topic of your choosing. And wouldn't you know it, the very first sentence of Orwell's essay runs: Most people who bother with the matter at all would admit that the English language is in a bad way, but it is generally assumed that we cannot by conscious action. For many, telling a story is the easiest and most effective way to write a scholarship essay. Strike a balance between modesty and arrogance.
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I encourage you to be a bit more experimental in your next essay; perhaps choose a less straightforward topic and see where it takes you. Simplicity and clarity should be the goals. You want the scholarship committee to feel like they are getting to know you. Writing a new draft can inspire you to think of new ideas or a better way to tell your story. In that case Orwell's rule is ambiguous rather than mad.